I fell in love with a city I knew I’d have to leave. Here’s what I’ve learned.

It is not without a heavy heart that I had to say goodbye to London & the little piece of myself I left behind.

My journey to London was by no means an easy one, but one driven by impulse & desire. I knew years ago that London would be the city for me, which sounds completely insane. All prior knowledge I had of the city came from films such as Notting Hill & Love Actually. But the opportunity to study abroad in the city I coveted to be in presented itself. So, naturally, one day after class I filled out the application & paid the deposit without telling anyone, hoping that everything would sort itself out in the end.

Fast forward a few months, after convincing my parents & dealing with all the technical travel bits, I stood in line at SFO security with puffy eyes & a blotchy face, a weepy mess of emotions. I have never cried so much before in my life, having to say goodbye to every familiar thing I’ve come to know in my twenty-one years of existence. Eventually, I made it through TSA looking like someone who was not in any way prepared to embark on a three-month-long escapade in a foreign country by herself.

Going into the program, I had a lot of reservations:

• Would I get along with my roommate?
• Would I make friends?
• What if the “study” aspect of study abroad got too overwhelming?
• What if I spent all my weekends working on essays instead of seeing the sights?
• How would I fit into London life & culture?

Here’s the truth:

• I got along great with my roommate, but it was because of communication & compromise, like any other relationship. I got lucky & am so appreciative of her. (Mel, if you’re reading this, thanks for being a rockstar of a roomie! ♥)
• Making friends happened on its own. I found people who shared similar interests & wanted similar experiences. Don’t stress about it. You’ll make pals, I promise.
• School was actually one of my favorite parts of the program, which is good, considering it was the whole reason I went to London, to begin with. My professors were very understanding about culture shock & adjusting.
• Continuing from that, sometimes my essays actually required me to go out & see the sights. Ironic, isn’t it?
• With any new culture, I needed to assimilate. The first few weeks I was hyper-aware of how much I stood out. Eventually, I picked up on the lingo (pants are underwear, people!) & started picking up the accent.  Soon tourists were asking me for directions.

I made the grave mistake of falling in love with London, knowing I would have to leave. One of my best mates who’s off embarking on her own grand adventure told me that she knew I would love London & that I was “the most London-y person who isn’t actually from London at all.” I thought she was just making a funny joke, but little did I know, she was right.

I very quickly became smitten with the city & everything it had to offer. Just as fast as it came, the homesickness I felt diminished because I realized that London is home. It was scary how easily I adjusted to London life. I soon established my daily routine; taking the Piccadilly line to school, getting a tea (sometimes on the house!) from João at Pret a Manger before class, stopping by the AIFS office to say hello to everyone, & exploring the city once my lessons were done.

Every day I walked through the city, every part that seemed mundane, I adored & could picture myself doing for the rest of my life. I looked forward to tapping my Oyster card to get onto the Tube, enjoyed walking from my flat to Waitrose to pick up some groceries, going to Paperchase to gawk over the stationery, & have proclaimed Nando’s to be my favorite restaurant of. all. time.

The three months I have spent in London has allowed me to experience more than I ever could have imagined. I have seen more theatrical performances than I can count (Shakespeare’s Globe productions, West End Musicals, & more!), watched a live football match, & have visited enough museums to make me a history & art expert – not really, but a gal can dream.

But that’s the sugar-coated part of it all. There were some cringe-worthy experiences & things I wish I did differently.

It took me quite a while to learn that a one pence & two pence are not the same as a one pound & two pound coin. I confused a few till workers & held up a few queues my first few weeks, but eventually I figured it out. English currency is very coin heavy (get it? heavy!) but I appreciated using it opposed to swiping a card. I felt more confident being able to pay in exact change!

Sometimes I wish I took more photos. Since being back in the U.S., I often find myself reminiscing about everything I did in London, before realizing that I never took a photo of that place/thing/experience. You don’t have to take a million photos to remember your experiences. Looking back, I now know it would have been pointless to take a photo of that one food stall that I didn’t actually like in the first place. Sure, photos are great, but they only capture what is seen, not the emotions or feelings that come with the moment. I like to think I experienced London wholeheartedly & not through a phone screen. I may not have photos to look back on but I do have the feelings and memories which are far more important to me.

With Europe at my disposal & train travel so cheap, I wish I had visited a few more countries while I had the chance. The only other place I did go away for the weekend was Paris, France. It was a trip that allowed me to cross a few things off my bucket list & I am so glad I decided to go. I also wanted to go to Amsterdam in the Netherlands but decided not to make a trip. I don’t beat myself up over it, though. Because each weekend I wasn’t traveling was spent in London, the city I chose to study abroad in, becoming more & more like a local.

I made lists upon lists of little bookshops & markets I wanted to visit. I wish I actually went somewhere new each day instead of going to the same places over & over. Don’t get me wrong, being recognized at a cafe for being a regular feels amazing, but I found that I ended up in the same part of town each weekend, doing similar things. I managed to cross a few of the markets I wanted to see & got through a majority of the touristy bits I wanted to do, but there is still a lot that I never got around to, such as seeing the Peter Pan statue in Hyde Park (I have been to Hyde Park twice & passed it even more times). I guess this means I have to go back!

In the short time I have spent in London, the city has completely stolen a piece of my ♥, for which I am so grateful for. Three months ago I stood in line at the airport sobbing, after saying goodbye to my parents, thinking that was the most I have ever cried in my entire life & the hardest thing I’d ever have do. I was wrong. Leaving London has been the hardest thing I have had to do. I love my parents immensely, but having to bid farewell to my friends that have made London feel like home, the AIFS advisors that made each day easier, & the city that had infatuated me was overwhelmingly difficult.

Standing outside in the cold at 6 A.M. on a Friday, I cried the hardest I have ever cried, saying goodbye to friends before boarding a coach en route to Heathrow airport. There’s a quote I love from one of my favorite books that goes “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.” In comparison, leaving my family was a much easier thing to do because I knew I would be back. However, leaving London was not that easy. At this point in time, it is uncertain if I will visit London again, which is what made parting so difficult. On the coach ride to the airport, I continued to cry whilst gazing out the window, never knowing if it would be the last time I’d pass a Tesco or see a phone booth, trying to absorb it all in the event it would be my last.

London has enchanted me in ways I couldn’t have expected. I have grown tremendously as a person because of it all. Cheers to all of the tea I drank, the few people who returned a smile on the tube, & Bus 49 to White City for making the past three months incredible in ways I cannot put into words.

I am not certain about a lot of things in life, such as pedestrian safety in England, but I know I’m not done with London, nor is the city done with me, & one day I will go back, perhaps to never leave, regaining that little piece I left behind, finally whole in the city that is home.

Edinette x